no confidence

thank you for putting me in Here. maybe i shouldn't doubt about how much you sayang me. for all you know,it's not that i don't believe you. it's just that i don't have the confidence in myself.
when we're with our friends,i feel so reluctant to really talk to you as i don't feel myself needed. i want you to be happy. you can always mix around with people and you're actually laughing and have fun. when we play or talk,it turns up to be an unhappy or tiring or serious matter. i find it difficult and confused why i always upset people that i care the most. many people can go on telling me how much they love me but sometimes i just feel myself unwanted.

i blame no one. sometimes,it's just this strong jealousy that i have to deal with it myself. i missed the time we walked back from htd to blok B. we didn't really talk much. that night,you texted me "thank you for being myself". i always try to find back that feeling for being myself,at the same time we're close to each other.

i don't really like her and i hate myself the most. honestly,i feel threatened when we're with her. i think she can easily replace me. and i somehow sensed that i've been compared with her. told you i'm very sensitive and possessive. when there's no longer 'the thing' between you and me,i'd just give up. i haven't accepted her as a part of us yet. maybe time will bring 3 of us together. for now,i don't want yet. she did nothing wrong,so yea.. actually it's kinda unfair to her. i'll try to befriend with her. seriously,i'll try... i need time.