do not disturb

absolute refractory period. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

self worthiness

finally i've found you! mana lu sesat sebelum ni! LOLx

happy day

silence is golden

people had been reticent recently. and refused to speak to me.

or was it me... who think too much.

just a feeling thou. hmmmmmmm

*tickle*

fail to make myself laugh by tickling myself. haha

i wondered..

why being tickled by someone else is more effective at producing an emotional reaction than trying to tickle yourself?

however our enjoyment of being tickled seems to be generally diminished as we age.

that's why i like to tickle a kid rather than an adult.

i miss those evil kids i taught last time.

my tidur used to be like this.

last time,she used to ask.. going to bed? so early? and i answered not me early,it's you who sleep late.

recently,i'm the one who asking.. going to bed? and she replied you're sleeping late,what's wrong with you?

i also wish i can sleep early like last time. ><

what to do.. my own fault.

and i'm kinda energetic at late night these days. good or bad?

swt swt swt.

random thing

oh my,it's tuesday.. boooooooooooooo,no fun.

eat alone,walk alone...

guess i walked too much,here comes the consequences. ouch

thus,wish my car is here. =\

and gosh.. they disappointed me,so so much. that my EQ nearly can't take it.

oh well,nobody say i have to be strong all the time,nobody say i can't be emotional

disheartened..

rang my mum and talked. warm and supported i feel.

went for a walk just now. let the wind brings away my worries and that i may move on.

look forward and see what can i do.

it's

proven.

speechless

am i just an outsider? =\

highly sensitive these day.

27 sept 2010

a total 'sit still' day.. that's why i don't like monday!

bye assignment! hahahaha..

discovered a new way of studying. don't know whether it works or not? who cares.. at least i don't hate my psychology book that much. =P

meeting tonight. sickening.

I GOT NOT ENOUGH TIME TO PREPARE!!! competing with time is tiring.. booooooooo

sudden bo mood-ness

i actually smile to a mirror and wish that my image can cheer me up. i don't know i succeed or not. i only know that i don't feel like smiling at the moment.

we should be taught not to wait for inspiration to start a thing. action always generates inspiration. however inspiration seldom generates action. -Frank Tibolt-

hohohohooo.. how true could this be?

la la la!

i scared i forgot my name,at the same time i scared she forgot hers.


她说：笑只是一个表情，与快乐无关。
she told me,smiley is just an expression,nothing to do with happiness.


weird statement. hahaha.. don't smile if you're not happy!

GET REAL! =P

25 september 2010

my name is Esther Song Hui Sang.

i can and must finish my journal reflection before i go to bed.

i'm glad things are coming along fine today.

i'm afraid that i might not do well for my coming psychology and anatomy CA! so many things yet so little time. sickening.

m prepared for the worst but not expecting.

and thank you for accompany me to the library and i have changed the time zone.

laundry!!!

piles of dirty clothes..

i think i'm superior in hand washing my clothes! and so the very extremely superior in changing clothes. no wonder my mum complained alot when everyone is home. hahahaha!

well done well done,esther song. =))

God is on my side.

psalm 51:17-I will not reject the sacrifice of a broken spirit and contrite heart.

i think i've found a reason to move on.

and realized being negative is dangerous..

guess i'm seriously exhausted physically and mentally. should finish my things quickly and go to bed earlier today. yea,i should do that..

24 sept 2010

i think i've got myself a good friend whom i can really talk. =))

tomyam soup was nice. despite the choking part.

my shoulder hurt. when will all this pain end? i wonder..

back to campus. back to reality.

booklet done. leaves thing done but more coming up. psychology drives me crazy. can't really remember a single thing and CA is on thursday. how cruel and creepy would it be?

i just don't want to disappoint my parents. they have had enough of it.

thus,it's my responsibility to make sure everything is alright. no matter how tired i am. everyone is going thru the same thing,so i complain also no use. no one will truly listen.

ps : no one actually bother about how homesick and frustrated i am.. fine,treat it as a joke and have a good laugh. =DD HAHAHAHA

23 sept 2010

fine morning.

hot rose green tea,two packets of oat krunch,an apple.. oh my,i'm eating well and healthy. hopefully it lasts me to lunch hour. hahaha!

alone in my room. start thinking again. choose to forgive. forgive myself and try to take action to clear the mess. at least there's some progress. not too bad afterall. worth burning midnight oil once in a blue moon. dislike the tiredness it brings thou.

you just going to repeat and repeat until you do it automatically. like breathing,like heart beat.. is missing someone counted? =))

感情，不要叫我放弃，因为我永远都学不会。。我只会一直付出

don't ask me to give up,because i don't know how.

continue to give is what i know and will do

unlike,dislike,don't like!

you're like a tumour,part of me but will eventually cause me death. i really wish that i can get rid of you,seriously. CUT OFF CUT OFF!

sigh,i hate myself.

21 sept 2010

back to the nature. ;)

studying central nervous system while doing the questionnaire

my brain is slightly prefer toward the right dominance. and it's bilateral! no wonder i'm not a decision maker. RANDOM is the best word to describe me.

ps : i miss my dog.

O len!!!

sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo O len today!!! commented by a friend!

ROFL!

NG..

when people disapprove me,i heard the voice saying i'm just nobody. did i do something wrong? why i'm constantly tormented by the feeling that i'm so lousy. why am i always putting myself down? how come after so many years,i still fall on the same point!? why am i such a failure!? what's wrong with me?

SIGH.. sickening sickening SICKENING!!!

and you know,B+ i don't like to see you! kia-su-ness is calling me to fight! i can still remember those expression,those hurtful words,those intonations.. reminding me how useless i'm to get a B for exam. B destroyed everything,denying all my effort. creeping off my confidence,bringing me into darkness. how stupid am i in allowing you to enter my life..

i talk to myself.. from now on,i must do better than this. and i'll never ever give up. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

target : PROCRASTINATION! *shoot shoot shoot*

wondering

you know,i somehow look forward to go back to campus soon. =\ guess i'm the only weird species in this world.

i just feel like i'm recharged and ready to go. probably something to do with my personalities,i just can't sit still.. hyper fairy in my soul~!

on the other hand,i'm worried.. about my academics. i don't know why,i just worried. sigh! didn't study much during hols.. *guilty* =(

confused huh? i know right...

orange drives me crazy~

lu eh pai mai jiak wa eh o~len!! ROFL~!!

quiet morning. as usual

special people are lonely. i'm one of them. i wondered who wake up at 5am during holiday?!?! zzz

body check

What should glucose levels be?
The ideal values are:

* 4 to 7mmol/l before meals
* less than 10mmol/l 90 minutes after a meal
* around 8mmol/l at bedtime.

16.9.2010 glucose level 2 hours after eating = 5.8 mmol/l

what should blood pressure be?
the ideal values are:
*adult - 110/65-140/90

16.9.2010 blood pressure = 111/62 mmhg

today everything normal le,ha mik su i weak? eat too much? 99.99% that reason

malaysia day!

malaysia day~ whheeeeee!! holiday! lets go kai kai~!

went out with mum,da jie,er jie and ah yan. you won't want to know how would it be when 5 females in a proton saga. super bising and meriah! hahaha

sushi + sashimi + unagi + wasabi + cheese = today's lunch! oh my,my sister makes the world best sushi ever,seriously. can't stop eating.. yum yum!

dad's back! presents!! yay! hahahaha.. again,6 people in a little house,the noise!!! recall back my childhood. my house used to be vry meriah.. xD

why am i feeling so weak physically these days? tired tired tired! and i can feel my heart beating,fast and strong i mean. LUP DUP LUP DUP! i don't like kuching weather,vry cold at night!! ouch! =((

下一个是。。

哦！我发现我爱浪费时间。一个钟的功课，要三个小时才写完！ 哈哈哈。。这里看看，那里留言~ 时间啊时间，ten ten 噢！

啊死！ 我的书还没念的呢！今天要开始了 =\ 祝我好运！

ps : 喜欢早上的我，还很新鲜！ 哈哈哈

magic of going back home

it takes two months to lose 4kg and it takes less than two weeks to gain back. hahaha.. unfair i know,so what? xP it's like in your own place,breathing also will put on weight. LOLx

time to go back to usmkk. hahahahhahahaha!

Let God

Getting lost is the absolute best way to discover a place. after reflection,i need to move on at the same time take it easy. let those spaces between life planning become my inspiration to carry on. it's time to let Go and let God. i know it doesn't belong to me because i wasn't happy holding it. lift them all to God.. lift them up as a prayer to God.. no matter what,i'll praise and thank Him. GOD,FOR EVERY PAIN I HAVE BEEN THROUGH,I JUST WANNA THANK AND PRAISE YOU!!!!!! may obstacles shape me into a better person!!! if it's from You,i accept it and please guide me with thy spirit.

most of the time,only we can motivate and change ourselves. harden not your heart i would say. a hardened heart can be frustrating and it really get to you when you're not careful. it's a trap.. big trap! self pity,OUT!

COME ON,be positive and no more fear! i can do it,yeah! =))

some1 seriously pissed me off

when you treat people good,doesn't mean people will treat you the same. but when you treat people bad,people will definitely do the same to you. when you say sorry,can't you sense that i don't feel good? i say sorry no cure,not correct meh? what's hurt is hurt,say 100X sorry also no use. i hate people come late,what to say fly me aeroplane and tell me last minute. if i don't sms you,i'm going to wait there all night long,know? one msg not going,sorry. what do you expect me to do? pretend nth happen and say it's ok. be nice to people also wrong,get angry also wrong..whatever i do always wrong. so why treat people good since the world is always so unfair. urrghhhh!!!

why am i so useless? letting other people alter my emotion. feeling super duper beh song now!!!! damn it

zzz

can't believe you actually become my new form of motivation. is that a good thing or bad?! better don't rely much on you. if you're gone,i will be lost again. =\

ps: bapa oh bapa,bila lu mau pulai?!?! two more days >.<

you can only choose one

honestly,i like...
McD or KFC?
-mcD

original or spicy?
-spicy

chili sauce or ketchup?
-ketchup

baby boy or girl?
-baby girl

work or study?
-study

jogging or swimming?
-jogging la duh..

white or black?
-white

singing or listening song?
-i thought they come together? singing gua

sunrise or sunset?
-sunrise

morning or night?
-morning

nike or adidas?
-adidas

long or short hair?
-long but very troublesome.

curly or straight?
-straight

indoor or outdoor?
-outdoor

lousy or not good enough?
-not good enough..

phone call or sms?
-depends. phone call gua.

swing or slide?
-swing

shorts or skirt
-shorts

slippers or shoes?
-slippers

shoot or keep?
-shoot

with or without specs
-without specs

R&B or R&R?
-r&b

facebook or twitter?
-facebook

english or mandarin?
-mandarin

msn or skype?
-msn/yahoo(hahaha)

ice-cream or ais kacang?
-cannot choose two meh? ais kacang i think

milo or horlicks?
-horlicks

book or movie?
-movie

cathedral or chapel?
-chapel

science or mathematics
-science

gold or silver?
-gold

digital or analog watch?
-depends le? i only wear digital during sport time

lollipop or chocolate?
-lollipop. can choose sermm boi? hahaha

email or letter?
-letter

noodles or rice?
-noodles

=\ what a boring test..

:@

啊！！！！我真的不懂得怎么形容你？乌龟？王八蛋？死三八？我真的很想宰了你喂狗！！！我真得很希望你以后过马路小心点，因为你未必会这样好彩，遇到像我这样的司机，冤家路窄的在医院遇到就不好了。还刮我的车，真是你公公的！！那刮痕希望不是报在你的脸上！！！祝福你，安迪还有你那可怜的孩子。

....

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! why am i so careless and STUPID!?!?! really feel like killing myself!!!! *longpiak*

every prayer is a powerful weapon

bbq was a great success. apparently,the sky was so dark. see...

but i prayed and God answered my prayer. we have fine weather tonight,windy but no rain. Praise God. =)) thats why i love God,i guess.. He's always good and faithful. hehehe

FAT!! i must go running tmr! to cease the guilt. hahaha

after 10 years...

i'm still the same!! haha..


ya,10 years pass and thank God we're still THE SAME! =P

I.M.Y.

i think i forgot to do something again. don't feel like eating much at this moment and i'm hungry! plan to go jogging tmr morning.. alone i guess. hahaha! i just came back and felt extremely tired but refused to go to bed.. i know i should sleep earlier b'coz m going to donate blood tmr.. sigh. talked too much and having sore throat now. in conclusion my status = so the very unhealthy and complicated.

open air char kueh is NICE! =PpPppp just saying.

p/s : i miss you =))

wow!

spot this gorgeous babe when browsing through casio website.

when i give you my watch,it means my time is yours. =))

little incident

mum was yelling at ah dai this morning at 6am. i thought he's gonna get killed by my mum when i heard the noise. apparently,he kept barking till the my neighbours got so annoyed and started to shout at my dog.. halo,aunty don't ya know dogs bark? and when the whole neighbourhood dogs are barking,how do you expect ah dai to keep quiet? it also need socialize mah. why don't you ask your dogs to stop barking instead calling my dog useless. who do you think you are? btw, aunty you really sound like a dog when you "bark". woof,stupid die..

my mum's voice actually frightened me.. i don't like it when people raise their voice. i feel so insecure. probably because my parents used to argue alot last time... another trauma,sigh...

p/s just realized i'm a light sleeper. boooooooooooooooo,no fun

give me courage,keep me strong =))

bye fb and msn

nooooooooooooo.. something is wrong!! ok,make a deal. i will belanja myself ice-cream if i manage to stop the addiction. start from three days...

yiiiiihaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

movie night. watched pck. the movie is ok but definitely not the audio.. gosh,i nearly go pekak last night. people complained but no action is taken. oi malaysia,when will you improve? sigh..

went to aunt's house this morning.. i wondered why all the traffic lights along greenroad not functioning... saving electricity for raya lighting? hmmmm..

breakfast and bought two slippers.. mum paid! LOLx it's good to go shopping with family because i don't have to bring my dompet and no need to drive. hohohohohoooo

currently doing...
msn chatting + fb + blog + listening to songs + reading anatomy = multitasks. thats what happen when you ask me to study soft copy. hahaha.. bones ah bones,muscles oh muscles,why are you so complicated? @.@

emo emo.. W.H.Y.?!

pain makes me realize...i still alive. is that good or bad =\

and how i wish i'm forgetful enough to forget all the unhappiness.

...

shopaholic!

lets go shopping!!

mum js told me,she has been keeping my pocket money for the past 2 months. and dad actually top up my pocket money! wheeee.. that makes my day! hahaha

go go go!

facebook is like ice-cream.. irresistible! >< out of sight,out of mind. that's my strategy. don't know it would work or not. LOLx

searching for new handphone.. haha! any suggestion?? well well well,prefer touch screen. yesterday the guy sitting next to me in the airplane own iphone4.. arrrr,and he was playing street fighter!! nice graphic. i want one also. =X hahaa

btw,i've made up my mind. i'm going to fight for it.. life is only once,let's get wild and have no regrets. =))

REMIND ME IF I EAT TOO MUCH!! lolX

i'm going back..

right,now everyone has gone back to their home except me. phew~ time flies,i'm going back tmr. initially don't want to go back one but dad doesn't allow me to stay in kl.. so go back lu.

now,how i wish i can go back quickly and play with my dog! hahaha

-Make new friends and keep the old, one is silver and one is gold-

my coursemates,they are good but sometimes mean with their words. it's ok,i can protect myself! fight back!! hohohoho.. overall,they are helpful la. without them,many things cannot be done and I'm nobody also.

my CUS friends,100% supportive,100% lovely,100% playful,100% rock!! together we serve God and His people. I've tried to be commentator once. IN ENGLISH! it's challenging and fun. hahahaha! I'm ready to serve. use me la,God. =D i think i still crazy about God.. =P

other friends like those i've known during activities,they are great people too. however,i don't seem to remember people names well. mostly i recognize their faces but not their names. so i always end up asking do i know you? or do you mind telling me your name again? hahahaha! which make me sound so stupid.

and.. i gonna see GOW GIN NIN after two years!! aakekekekkekekekeke!

i think

i'm happier these days...